he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
