I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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