I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Panties = found
Randomize
