I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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