so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
