Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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