Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
