I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
