I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
should my penis look like a turkey
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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