But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have post one night stand depression
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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