i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
