She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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