i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
