In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
