I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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