He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
