It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
