; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
More tranny stories later!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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