I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
