i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
