No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
