The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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