Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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