***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
