Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
