you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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