There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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