Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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