he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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