Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
