what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
