just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
