awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
