She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
