and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
two words: eviction party
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
