Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
