never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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