I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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