I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
ttyl tear gas
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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