Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
