I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Boobs are out for the taking
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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