i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
