he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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