A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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