It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
