I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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