Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
