The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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