How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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