You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
