So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
